A Reminder To Myself

I was never a damsel in distress. I actually like to think that I am a knight, someone capable of protecting herself, shielded from hurt by a clad of armor but I realized that I am not a knight. I am just pretending to be one. I may be clad in a suit of armor and I may look stone cold but inside I am hurting, crying because I still am a damsel. And every blow I receive I get bruised inside.

It’s hard to pretend that you’re happy because you don’t want to show people that you’re weak, vulnerable and whiny. I always put on a brave face, ask very little to no help because I want to make an impression, that I am strong enough carry myself through the rough path life has to offer. I put up a wall because generally, I don’t like to get hurt and feel that emotional stress is too much to handle. I choose people who I let inside the wall. I cast my vote whether or not they’re worthy to be inside, to see the real me. But in the end, the people I choose to let inside end up hurting me more than those outside. So much for building that wall, it was useless.

I am not good in conveying myself through talking but I know how well to play with my words. And I don’t know who to talk to so I’m writing this now and telling myself this:

Everything will turn out well in the end. Its a rough road to happiness but you’ll eventually get to where you want to be, with the people you want to be with. In life, you get to meet new people and choose who you want to share your journey with. They won’t always be with you on the road. They may be the bump along the way or the wrong turn you took. They may be the cliff you almost jumped to.

You choose who you share this journey. You let them inside your wall, it was your call who to let in. It was no accident that they hurt you because you let them hurt you. Hurt is a frame of mind, you just think it that way.

Its not wrong to cry and feel down but its wrong to stay that way for a long time. Move on.

Maybe, the hardest part of everything else is to be honest with how you feel. You built a wall and locked yourself inside. Maybe its time to break the wall and let everything be as it may. Tell them how you honestly feel and do not be afraid whether their reactions would hurt you or not because you will.never know unless you try.

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About Elaine

interior designer | occasional bookworm | closet otaku | music lover | frustrated craftsman | lazy artist | part time bum
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